Wet My Whistle

The other night I came home tight, my wife was raging mad

As I got sober I thought it over, my head was hurting bad

I said that’s it! I said I quit! I signed a pledge official

Which I just reread and it never said

I couldn’t wet my whistle

(Drink, then whistle)

I heard this plea at my mother’s knee when I was just a tad

Please sonny dear stay away from beer or you’ll end up like your dad

You’re sure to lose if you mess with booze

It will hit you like a missile

I said Ma okay, but I didn’t say

I wouldn’t wet my whistle

(Drink etc.)

One day at work just like a jerk I snuck a drink or three

When my boss learned he sure was burned

He had me up a tree

I begged and squirmed, crawled like a worm

Shot promises like a pistol

He said I’m canned if I drink again

But I can wet my whistle

(Drink and whistle)

Since I gave up beer my head is clear my muscles are in tone

My love life's great, always have a date

They won't leave me alone

I'm looking slim and feeling trim

Get proposals by the fistful

But my throat gets dry. Look out! Stand by!

I've got to wet my whistle

(Drink, whistle)

So sell your stock in Rolling Rock and Ballantine and Blatz

The market’s dead for Old Moose Head

And Heineken and Matt’s

Schlitz and Rheingold, Miller, Michelob

They all sound so blissful

But I took the vow and I can’t drink now

Except to wet my whistle

--Johnny Paycash