The other night I came home tight, my wife was raging mad
As I got sober I thought it over, my head was hurting bad
I said that’s it! I said I quit! I signed a pledge official
Which I just reread and it never said
I couldn’t wet my whistle
(Drink, then whistle)
I heard this plea at my mother’s knee when I was just a tad
Please sonny dear stay away from beer or you’ll end up like your dad
You’re sure to lose if you mess with booze
It will hit you like a missile
I said Ma okay, but I didn’t say
I wouldn’t wet my whistle
(Drink etc.)
One day at work just like a jerk I snuck a drink or three
When my boss learned he sure was burned
He had me up a tree
I begged and squirmed, crawled like a worm
Shot promises like a pistol
He said I’m canned if I drink again
But I can wet my whistle
(Drink and whistle)
Since I gave up beer my head is clear my muscles are in tone
My love life's great, always have a date
They won't leave me alone
I'm looking slim and feeling trim
Get proposals by the fistful
But my throat gets dry. Look out! Stand by!
I've got to wet my whistle
(Drink, whistle)
So sell your stock in Rolling Rock and Ballantine and Blatz
The market’s dead for Old Moose Head
And Heineken and Matt’s
Schlitz and Rheingold, Miller, Michelob
They all sound so blissful
But I took the vow and I can’t drink now
Except to wet my whistle
--Johnny Paycash