Early every morning before the sun is up
I go out in the back yard, feed my little pup
He sure loves that doggy, the neighbors all have said
Hell, it ain't the dog I love it's going back to bed
Sure I'm weird, a fruitcake, too
Every other day I shine the other shoe
Condition first, then I shampoo
But nobody's laughing at me cause I've got you
I buy my shoes two sizes big in case my feet should grow
And I phone in fake opinions to a radio talk show
I don't put on my trousers like other fellows do
I jump right in both feet at once and grab that zipper too
Sure I'm weird, from outer space
I have brushed my teeth with Preparation H
I wear long johns, suspenders too
But nobody's laughing at me ‘cause I've got you
* * * * *
When I wake up each morning on my head I have a cat
When I go out fishing my bait is in my hat
Always have a whistle hanging by the phone
All of those crank callers are leaving me alone
* * * * *
Sure I'm weird, so I've been told
Saving all my bottles to spend when I get old
Squirt hair spray on my arm pits too
But nobody's laughing at me ‘cause I've got you
Up your down escalator and in your out door, too
Always doing something someone says I shouldn't do
I wear six pairs of sox at once, saves time without a doubt
When the top pair gets dirty, I just peel 'em off and throw 'em out
Sure I'm weird, can't say I'm not.
First I drink my chaser, then I drink my shot
Think that's weird? Well, I do too
But nobody's laughing at me 'cause I got you