Living in Denial

Living In Denial

Johnny, long retired, is seated in the living room. His wife is in the kitchen.

Sugarfoot, Dear Heart, have you seen my cane?

I’m not sure.

Is that a yes or a no?

Well, the weather woman didn't say anything about rain.

I didn't say rain. I said my cane.  But it may rain. My leg is hurting.

Well, don't go out without your cane.

I can't find my cane.

It's right out there.

Where?

It's sitting by your hat.

My goodness! Is he hurt?

Who?

The cat. Didn't you sit on the cat?

No. I said your hat.

You sat on my hat? My good one?

No, dear. Your cane is by your hat.

Why didn't you say so? I'm going out to get the paper. When is dinner?

Soon. You could help. Come shell the peas.

I don't want to smell the cheese. Just get rid of it.

No, I said shell the peas. Now don't get mad, but I still think you need a hearing aid.

Congress is cutting Medicaid.

I said a hearing aid.

Medicaid won't pay for a hearing aid. Only flu shots and colonoscopies.

That's right, dear. Now you just watch TV. I'll finish dinner.

Later, Johnny hollers:

Have you seen my jeans?

What Marines? Are they on TV? Is the parade on?

He mutes the TV and wanders down the hall toward the kitchen.

Why on earth do you want the shades down?

I don't. I said: Is the parade on?

What parade?

The one with the Marines.

What Marines? What in hell are you talking about?

You said the Marines were on.

I said jeans.

Jean who?

My jeans. The black ones with torn knees.

What about them?

Where are they?

I don't know. Look around. Forget your darned parade. I've got peas to shell.

Toss the damned cheese! Let's have the pizza.

---Keith George