LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE ALONE

OUT HERE WASTING TIME BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING WAITING HOME

KNOWING THAT THE NIGHT AHEAD IS LONELY SAD AND LONG

THAT MAKES TWO OF US, COULD BOTH OF US BE WRONGs?

WHEN YOU HEAR A SAD SONG DO YOU THINK IT’S JUST FOR YOU?

TIRED OF CLIMBING UP ‘CAUSE YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN WHEN YOU DO?

DO YOU SOMETIMES WONDER IF THE MORNING’S WORTH THE NIGHT?

THAT MAKES TWO OF US, HERE’S HOPING WE’RE NOT RIGHT

I DON’T NEED ANOTHER HEARTBREAK, NEITHER DO YOU

BUT MUST WE BLAME EACH OTHER FOR THINGS WE DIDN’T DO

COULD A NIGHT SO EMPTY BE FILLED BY SOMETHING GOOD?

MAYBE WITH TWO OF US IT COULD

WOULD YOU TAKE THE GAMBLE, IS IT WORTH ANOTHER TRY?

FOR THE FUN AND LAUGHTER WOULD YOU RISK ANOTHER CRY?

DON’T YOU THINK A CHANCE FOR LOVE BEATS A HEART THAT ACHES?

THAT MAKES TWO OF US AND TWO IS ALL IT TAKES

THAT MAKES TWO OF US AND TWO IS ALL IT TAKES

By Johnny Paycash

Johnny, long retired, is seated in the living room. His wife is in the kitchen.

Sugarfoot, Dear Heart, have you seen my cane?

I’m not sure.

Is that a yes or a no?

Well, the weather woman didn't say anything about rain.

I didn't say rain. I said my cane.  But it may rain. My leg is hurting.

Well, don't go out without your cane.

I can't find my cane.

It's right out there.

Where?

It's sitting by your hat.

My goodness! Is he hurt?

Who?

The cat. Didn't you sit on the cat?

No. I said your hat.

You sat on my hat? My good one?

No, dear. Your cane is by your hat.

Why didn't you say so? I'm going out to get the paper. When is dinner?

Soon. You could help. Come shell the peas.

I don't want to smell the cheese. Just get rid of it.

No, I said shell the peas. Now don't get mad, but I still think you need a hearing aid.

Congress is cutting Medicaid.

I said a hearing aid.

Medicaid won't pay for a hearing aid. Only flu shots and colonoscopies.

That's right, dear. Now you just watch TV. I'll finish dinner.

Later, Johnny hollers:

Have you seen my jeans?

What Marines? Are they on TV? Is the parade on?

He mutes the TV and wanders down the hall toward the kitchen.

Why on earth do you want the shades down?

I don't. I said: Is the parade on?

What parade?

The one with the Marines.

What Marines? What in hell are you talking about?

You said the Marines were on.

I said jeans.

Jean who?

My jeans. The black ones with torn knees.

What about them?

Where are they?

I don't know. Look around. Forget your darned parade. I've got peas to shell.

Toss the damned cheese! Let's have the pizza.

---Keith George

We played that old juke box and danced all night long

Our love was so right it could never go wrong

Do you remember that song?

Something was magic in that old melody

Each time they played it you smiled at me

I was as happy as I’ll ever be

Remember? You called it our song

Lately I find once in a while

That song comes to mind and so does your smile

Time can’t erase it, for me it’s too strong

The memory of you and that song

Now I try to forget how I kissed you that day

And how you promised you always would stay

And how much it hurt me when you went away

But I’ll always remember our song

ALL OF THE WINE AND THE SMOKES

ALL OF THE YEARS AND ALL OF THE TEARS

AND ALL OF THE BEERS AND THE JOKES

ALL OF THE ARMS THAT HAVE HELD ME AT NIGHT

AND THE FRIENDS WHO HAVE WALKED OUT MY DOOR

ALL THE STRANGE PLACES AND ALL THE SAD FACES

AND I CAN'T GO HOME ANYMORE

I CAN’T GO HOME, NOBODY'S THERE

OUT OF ALL THOSE WHO LOVED ME BEFORE

I’LL SING MY SONGS AND WANDER ALONG

BECAUSE I CAN’T GO HOME ANYMORE

ALL OF THE ARMS THAT HAVE HELD ME AT NIGHT

AND THE FRIENDS WHO HAVE WALKED OUT MY DOOR

ALL THE STRANGE PLACES AND ALL THE SAD FACES

AND I CAN’T GO HOME ANYMORE

I CAN’T GO HOME, NOBODY'S THERE

OUT OF ALL THOSE WHO LOVED ME BEFORE

I’LL SING MY SONGS AND WANDER ALONG

BECAUSE I CAN’T GO HOME ANYMORE

I’LL SING MY SONGS AND THINK OF WHAT’S GONE

AND SOMEDAY I WILL GO HOME ONCE MORE

--KEITH GEORGE

You said that you weren’t home I must have caught you somewhere out there in between

You said maybe I had something I would like to say to you

Then you said please hang on, and leave a message if I do

I told you I was sorry and I didn’t really mean those things I said.

Told you I’ve been crying, lying here alone in this big bed

I said I didn’t want to think what waking up without your love can be

Then I said please hang on, hang on to me

Please hang on, hang on to me.

I know that I was wrong, I’m every bit as sorry as can be

Without your love my life is pain and misery

Please hang on. Hang on to me

When we dance we fit together like each other’s other half

Nothing has gone wrong between us that could not be fixed up with a laugh

So throw your arms around me, let’s not waste our love so foolishly

My darling please hang on, hang on to me

Hang on,….Hang on….Hang on…Hang on to me.

Wrap me in your arms and hold me tight

Wake me with a hug in the morning

And kiss me to sleep every night

Let me share your smiles when you're happy

Wipe away the tears when you are blue

Always remember that I love

That is rule number two

  I will love you 'til the moon falls into the sea

And the last star fades in the blue

While my heart beats you can always count on me

To live up to rule number two

Things may not always be perfect

But there will be love and joy and fun

Rule number three if there is uncertainty

Just go back to rule number one

Reading how young women now are pulling their own strings

She should be out dancing at her favorite music hall

But she just sits there glancing at that phone on the wall

* * * * * *

She called to tell him how she feels, how much his kisses mean

It hurts to say I love you to a telephone machine

While he’s out doing who knows what she’s waiting for that call

And her heart’s just hanging, hanging on the wall

* * * * * * *

Thinking of the dreams they shared, feeling so alone

Wondering if he really cared, listening for the phone

She hasn’t felt his touch for days, she gets no sleep at all

Even her dreams are hanging on the wall

* * * * * * *

Why does she put up with it, not many women would

She turns down better every day, for him she’s being good

He’s just gone and left her, broken pride and all

Left her heart just hanging, hanging on the wall

Hanging on the wall

Hanging on the wall…….

Hanging on the wall.......

--Keith George

The Guy I Used To Be

You’re not looking at the guy I used to be

I could jackknife off a rope, swinging from a tree

Swim beneath the river ‘til I reached the other side

Naked in a gang of friends with nothing left to hide

Everyone would get a tan, but I was always fried

If someone told you different, well... he lied

My car could hold a dozen people packed

In the trunk and under blankets for a drive-in show attack

I once snuck in the exit under cover of the night

A guy pulled up behind and I yelled: “Man! Turn off your lights!”

It was the cops and long before they heard that we had rights

They dragged us off to jail without a fight

I once ate five pig sandwiches for lunch

I never learned to fight but I could really take a punch

I could squat three hundred pounds, and maybe bench-press four

I drank my way down Clinton Street, hit every swinging door

Along the way I danced with girls I coaxed out to the floor

But I am not that kind of yahoo any more

Everything began to change somehow

Instead of cussing now I say “Gol dang!” or “Holy cow!”

The trout still bite at daybreak, but I remain asleep

I can't find my shovel when the snow is getting deep

Don’t bother me with music by some phony gangsta creep

On top of that they say I’m getting cheap

I’d not be standing here for you to see

But I just got shot with cortisone, arthritis in my knee

An unappreciated, overmedicated, superannuated soul

Skipping meds to keep away from that dreaded donut hole

The top half of my heart don’t beat, it’s just worms in a bowl

I’m the last guy who will ever shout “Let’s roll!”

So come and join me in my memory

You’ll be grinning, tanned and toned, swinging off that tree

Watch a minor league Whitey Ford striking out the side

Pass the hat for two bucks in gas to take an all-day ride

You won’t have a care or know a single friend who’s died

Just hop in my old Dodge, I’ll be your guide

Let’s do it again

Driving to a gig we’d snuggle up tight

Let’s do it again

The folks would clap and we would bow

They wanted to party, we showed them how

Loved you then and love you now

Let’s do it again

Grabbed a chair and climbed up to my knees

My jeans were out of money and my jaw was out of place

Lord, it ain’t easy being me

      * * * * * *

No, it ain’t easy being me

Sometimes I think I’m only here to see

Just how low and foolish one silly ass can be

Lord, it ain’t easy being me

* * * * * *

I never knew that woman was the bongo player’s wife

And he owned a martial arts academy

It cost two teeth and a broken nose

It almost cost my life

Lord it ain’t easy being me

I’m in these bushes pickin' for some empties I tossed here

Must have thrown a hundred, I found three

Still six bits short of stickin’ my mustache in a beer

Lord it ain’t easy being me

* * * * * *

Lord it ain’t easy being me

I picked the winner in the lottery

Washed the ticket with my laundry

Came out white as white could be

Lord it ain’t easy being me

WHEN THERE’S TROUBLE IN THIS LAND

IT’S TIME TO TAKE A STAND

HAND IN HAND AND SIDE BY SIDE

WE LOVE PEACE AND WE HATE WAR

BUT WE’VE BEEN THERE BEFORE

WE KNOW YOU CAN’T RUN AND HIDE

SO GOD BLESS THE U. S. OF A.

PUT YOUR HAND UP AND STAND UP AND SAY

WE ARE UNITED TODAY

DON’T MESS WITH THE U.S.

DON’T MESS WITH THE U.S. DON’T MESS WITH THE U.S. OF A.

LET THE WORLD HEAR OUR SONG, THREE HUNDRED MILLION STRONG

MAKE NO MISTAKE HOW WE FEEL

UNITED WE STAND AND THE SPIRIT OF THIS LAND

IS STRONGER THAN CONCRETE AND STEEL.

SO GOD BLESS THE U.S. OF A. ETC

LET’S ALWAYS BE PROUD TO SHOUT IT OUT LOUD

WHO LOVES THIS COUNTRY?

WE DO!

STAND AND LOOK SMART AND COVER YOUR HEART

AS THEY PASS WITH THE RED WHITE AND BLUE

GOD BLESS THE U.S. OF A

PUT YOUR HAND UP AND STAND UP AND SAY

WE ARE UNITED TODAY

DON’T MESS WITH THE U.S, DON’T MESS WITH THE U.S.

GOD BLESS THE U.S. OF A

As I got sober I thought it over, my head was hurting bad

I said that’s it! I said I quit! I signed a pledge official

Which I just reread and it never said

I couldn’t wet my whistle

(Drink, then whistle)

I heard this plea at my mother’s knee when I was just a tad

Please sonny dear stay away from beer or you’ll end up like your dad

You’re sure to lose if you mess with booze

It will hit you like a missile

I said Ma okay, but I didn’t say

I wouldn’t wet my whistle

(Drink etc.)

One day at work just like a jerk I snuck a drink or three

When my boss learned he sure was burned

He had me up a tree

I begged and squirmed, crawled like a worm

Shot promises like a pistol

He said I’m canned if I drink again

But I can wet my whistle

(Drink and whistle)

Since I gave up beer my head is clear my muscles are in tone

My love life's great, always have a date

They won't leave me alone

I'm looking slim and feeling trim

Get proposals by the fistful

But my throat gets dry. Look out! Stand by!

I've got to wet my whistle

(Drink, whistle)

So sell your stock in Rolling Rock and Ballantine and Blatz

The market’s dead for Old Moose Head

And Heineken and Matt’s

Schlitz and Rheingold, Miller, Michelob

They all sound so blissful

But I took the vow and I can’t drink now

Except to wet my whistle

--Johnny Paycash

Where have you been hiding, anyway?

I cussed you out a hundred times, you never come around

Drag it in and sit it down, you made my day

    (Into the audience, shaking hands)

     You made my day, you made my day

      Drag it in and sit it down, you made my day

How come you make me miss you so, I could jerk a knot in you

What happened? Did you forget the way?

How come you always know when I cook up home brew?

Dry your feet and wet your whistle, you made my day

Chorus

Hot darn if you don’t look a sight, your hair slicked down so fine

Who’s your undertaker, anyway?

Sitting there a grinning just like you’re in your right mind

Let me squeeze that hand, you made my day

Chorus

You’re the biggest rascal, ever come down the pike

What happened? Bars all closed today?

You hiding from your creditors?  Is your bookie out on strike?

Shucks you’re welcome here, you made my day